I saw Brokeback Mountain this weekend and I think I am the only person in America who didn't like it. ***Spoilers Ahead*** Sure there are some things I liked about it, I like Michelle Williams' character. Brokeback is a far cry from Dawson's Creek, although I always had my suspicions about Dawson and Pacey. I liked the way the movie spanned throughout their lives. I also liked when it ended. So the basic plot revolves around these two straight guys that fall in love. In 1963 or something. If you can get past the fact that even in 2006 two straight guys can't even brush hands with one another without freaking out it is even sort of believable. I guess all those lonely nights on the range, or wherever they were. But they say you fall in love with a person not a gender so I'll buy it.
Moving along. They are supposed to be in love but we all knew it could never work out. Doomed from the very beginning. How sad. But for whatever reason the director or writer or whoever was in charge, did a really bad job of getting me to believe they were actually in love. I just didn't feel the heartache. I know Heath and Jake weren't really in love in real life, but that's why they call it "acting." They forgot to act like they were in love. I did however feel bad for Michelle Williams, she is the only one I liked in this movie.
I wanted to feel bad for them, really. But perhaps it is just hard for me to feel bad for men who cheat on their wives. Yeah sure it was 1963 and it wasn't easy being gay. But come on. Give me a fucking break. Get a divorce and instead of pretending to be a happily married guy who has a secret boyfriend, pretend to be a happily divorced single guy who has a secret boyfriend. They just had a little fun on Brokeback and went back to their progressively disintegrating lives and carried on. They didn't seem heartbroken or depressed or anything. They both were in terrible marriages but that seemed to have more to do with being in a terrible marriage than their love affair with one another.
They went "fishing", went home, their lives got worse, they went "fishing", went home, their lives got worse...over and over for like twenty years. One guy finally left his wife but after how many years and how many trips to "Brokeback Mountain?" My god. I just didn't feel anything after I saw this movie except for the fact that I was glad it was over. It was really really long and really really slow. It was just more of the same over and over again until ***Spoilers Ahead*** the guy dies and then I was just thankful because I knew it meant it was almost over. This movie was over two hours long and NOTHING happened, except Anne Hathaway's hair kept getting blonder and blonder, they had some kids, one guy went to Mexico, the kids got older, one guy got a different girlfriend, and Jake Gyllenhaal got ugly and fat. But besides that not much else happened. Or maybe with all of Heath Ledger's mumbling I just missed everything.
I was told this movie would make me cry. I was really looking forward to it. Although I think I heard a few people in the theater crying, I am not quite sure what they were crying about. Even after the guy dies, it wasn't even that sad. And I will cry at some real stupid shit. Other people were touched by this movie. I was bored. It wasn't bad per se, just not that great.
Some people like long, slow movies, where nothing actually happens, but I don't. They could have done the same thing in like 45 minutes. But someone told me that long and slow was the point. So the point was to completely bore your audience? To make people wish that the movie would end sooner? To make people wonder how this movie managd to get nominated for so many awards? Well if that was the point - mission accomplished. But it just seems like a silly "point" to me. Erin really liked it, which further proves we have the complete opposite taste in movies and television shows.
It isn't like I am jaded and hate love stories either so I don't want to hear it. When Harry met Sally. Loved it. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Terrific! I just hate love stories where the main characters are too consumed in their love for each other they have no problem fucking up everyone else's lives. I also hate love stories in which the people in love kill themselves or something equally as crazy. Like if it doesn't work out and they can't be together there is no reason to go on living. Come on. Like they can't get another date? Brokeback wasn't one of those kind of love stories. But still.
So all you guys out there that were looking for an excuse not to see this movie that didn't make you sound homophobic, just say you heard it was the longest, most boring, pointless, nothing happens movie in movie history.
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