So it has been a while but apparently men in the mailroom still can't get enough of me. I am not sure what it is, perhaps it is the way I label my envelopes, or how I lick my stamps. Whatever it is, it drives them crazy. I have nothing against anyone from the mailroom. They work harder than I do and they sure do make my job a lot easier, but can I please come to work and not have to get hit on like I am at some grimy bar. When you are at a bar or a party you expect these sorts of things. But at work. Come on. The word inappropriate springs to mind.
I have had a few mailroom suitors (don't even let me get started about security guards). The guy that left me a note asking me out doesn't work on my floor anymore, the guy that kept winking at me got fired, or quit or something. The other overly friendly guy that found it necessary to engage me in meaningless conversation every time he walked by (and also stunk of cheap cologne) seems to have disappeared as well. Can't they find anyone better to hit on? And it isn't just me, these guys get around, hitting on different women on different floors of the company. Using the firm as their own little dating pool. Again inappropriate. What do they think? If you are a secretary under the age of 30 you want some random guy staring at you and winking and shit. Please. Leave me alone.
Anyway this guy wont take a hint. I suppose it is my fault. I was overly nice to him in the beginning because I thought he was special. No not the kind of special that you bring home to meet your parents, the kind of "special" you put quotes around and may or may not send to Erin's school. This is the obsessive compulsive mailroom guy that you have heard me talk about before. So annoying.
Whenever he happens by and Marge is away from her desk he starts talking to me. Which is annoying on many levels. Usually I am reading or daydreaming or doing something that I do not want to be interrupted from. Also, it makes me extremely uncomfortable because he is the most awkward man on the face of the earth.
Anyway, Kit is one of those men that has long hair but is going bald at the same time. It is always pulled back in a low pony tail. I kind of imagine him being that weird kid in your high school. Not the weird kid who would become violent, but the weird kid who would jerk off in the bathroom and bang his head against the wall after failing spelling tests (we all had one of those). The kid who had no social life anyone knew of and spent hours studying and reading but was never actually very smart. The kind of person who was completely dedicated to his school work but got bad grades. The kind of kid that teachers wouldn't want to call on because he would never stop talking.
I also imagine him to have some weird ritual with the mail. He is obsessive compulsive after all. Once the mail is in the mail boxes he rearranges it every time he walks by, even if nothing has changed since his last visit. If he goes through all that after the mail has arrived at its destination I can't even imagine what he does to it before it gets here. Maybe I don't want to think about that.
I also think he has some problem with walking down hallways at the same time as other people. When he has to pass someone, he jerks, and stops, and starts, then stops completely once he realizes there is no escape and presses his back and arms against the wall until he is as flat as possible and stands there and waits for you to pass. This of course he does when he is a good ten feet away from you. Maybe he is afraid of getting trapped in the hallway, maybe he has body dysmorphic disorder and thinks he is 500 pounds and can't fit through at the same time as other people? I don't know.
Anyway Marge was at lunch and he came to have me sign for something. He is always speaking in a French accent, he isn't from France. "Elizabet - may I have your autograph" (say that in a French accent). I sign, and look away. I look up, he's still there. I smile that "why are you still looking at me go away you creep" smile. I get up and turn around taking more time than necessary placing some junk on Marge's chair hoping he will be gone when I turn around. No such luck. He is just standing there waiting for me to make eye contact so he can go on talking to me. I hold out as long as possible, but you can only ignore someone for so long.
So then he starts shaking, which is what I imagine he does when he gets nervous. Then he is talking and asking questions and giving me that look. "Yes" "No" "I don't know". The one word answers don't stop him. He is still talking and asking. I just don't want to give him any ideas. After looking away pretending to type something, I look back and he is STILL there! Then he notices my book. Great. I am stuck for another five minutes of questions and one word answers. He is still shaking and I am wishing he would shake himself down the hall and to the elevator so I can relax.
Mental note to all you guys out there. When hitting on someone who is reading a book called "Friday Night Lights" with pictures of football players on the cover I wouldn't go on a rant about how you are physically unable to sit through an hour of any kind of sporting event. I mean who is this guy? Who can't sit through a sporting event? Certainly not anyone I would go out with. What is he Katherine or something? He even said "I mean maybe it could be funny." What's funny about sports? Sure funny things happen in sports but sports aren't funny. Did he think he would win points by talking about how over paid athletes were? I don't believe he actually used the word barbaric, but something along those lines. Obviously not my kind of guy.
Maybe he is just being nice? I don't think so. You can see it in his eyes. I fear he isn't as innocent as he seems. I should send out a mass email too all the other women in the company to see if he is pulling this shit with them. This "asperger syndrome" game doesn't work with me. But I fear it must work on some women or he wouldn't be doing it. He comes off as non-threatening and nice. Because women often forget that non-threatening nice men like to have sex too. You think "well he isn't funny or cute and I don't want to slept with him, but he is so nice, we could be friends." Meanwhile he just waits until you put your guard down. This doesn't happen to me because my guard is always up but many an earth and water sign have fallen for it. Well the OCD fake French accent thing isn't going to work with me!! It is just creepy.
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