I wish Marge hadn't taken the day off. Never thought I would hear myself say that. But if Marge were here things would be a lot less annoying. I definitely never thought I would hear myself say that. Wow. The woman who is sitting in for her today is notorious. Everyone knows her. Everyone is annoyed by her. She wears the same black pants and white shirt every day. It is like that episode of Seinfeld when he dates that girl that always wears the same outfit, and Jerry wonders if she has a whole closet full of them like Superman. I saw her in a pink shirt one day and sent out a mass email.
From the second she gets in, to the second she leaves non-stop chatter. In fact she is talking to me right now about how she is going to have to adjust Marge's chair to fit her proportions. Marge is after all a few inches shorter than Donna, and Donna has to visit the Chiropractor tomorrow afternoon and her back is already aching from sitting at Marge's chair. I am getting a 45 minute tutorial, as I type, about all the different features of my chair. Who knew? It can go higher, lower, left, right, it can even rock back and forth. The rocking is really the most important feature. Just so you know. Because if I am forced to waste extra space in my brain knowing that, then so are you.
Donna has now managed to adjust her chair to a position so enjoyable that she is forced to give off a moan. It's grossing me out. Of course now my chair is all fucked up because she got me to push some button. It is only 11:00 and she is making me want to kill myself. Everyone in the office talks about her. No one wants her to sit next to them. Who knew that there was that much to talk about? Even a hello on the elevator takes 10 minutes. She really talks until the doors close in her face. Now she is asking me about what my degree is in and telling me how hard it is to get a job.
At least with Marge I know what I am getting. I know how to deal. This woman has no shame. And while Marge will talk to me about what she did on the way to the ferry last night for about a half hour while I read my book she will at least stop talking eventually. I have also learned how to tune out the pitch of her voice to a certain extent. And since Marge is also entirely consumed by her job at least she stays busy acting busy and that is enough for her to leave me alone for a good part of the day. But Donna doesn't seem to mind not being busy. So she just talks. And talks. And talks. People walk by the desk and she starts a conversation with them. The minute she starts talking, you can see the fear in their eyes. They are already trying to get away. But she sucks you in. You don't even need to respond and she is still talking. God forbid you get stuck in the coffee room with her. Her poor Husband.
Oh yeah and she doesn't lick envelopes "because they might have anthrax on them". That is a direct quote. And get this she also walks to and from work with one of those surgical masks that doctors wear, like all those people who were afraid they were going to get SARS. I am not really sure what she is afraid she is going to get, but she already has a whole lot of crazy. And I can't imagine her coming down with something that would leave her any worse off. Was that mean? She's a real nut job. Now she is badgering me about why one of my work friends no longer works here. It is none of her business why she got fired. My lips are sealed.
To top it off all of my bosses are in today. Well not all. One of them moved to China. He called me in on Thursday and told me it was his last day. Very bizarre. But we said all of 2 words to each other in the last year so I wont miss him much. The only thing I am worried about is which jerk-off they are going to put in his place. The peons, I mean associates, are already running around checking out his office. Please don't let it be another tax guy. Tax lawyers are weird. At least with that guy I didn't have to do any work for him. But what if they put some new really demanding person in there? I will have to set the tone right off the bat. And why aren't any of my bosses taking a fucking vacation? Come on people. If I had as many vacation days left as you do I sure as hell wouldn't be here. It's the Holidays. Sure two of them are Jewish, but the other guy isn't. At least use up your days before the new year. It makes no sense at all. This isn't grade school they don't give out an attendance award at the end of the year.
When I gave them their gifts I marked it really clearly on ALL of their cards that they should take a vacation. What part didn't they understand? Whatever it is, it can wait until the new year. I can hold down the fort. I just don't get it. Why are they here? I also feel since I gave them their holiday gifts they should just back off and let me go home. When Matt and Andy gave me my birthday present (which was more then generous) I wouldn't have minded in the slightest if they had taken the rest of the day off.
But I guess it doesn't really work like that here. Oh well. And this woman wont shut up. At least she has to go to lunch at some point. In fact by now not only do I know where she is going to lunch, I know with who and when. My goodness.
No comments:
Post a Comment