I was just in the elevator with some new attorney's. 1st years as they are called here. Quite the rotten bunch. They are so rude and think they own the world. This one guy was talking about his $1,000 birthday dinner for himself and his wife. $1,000!! Two people!!! But don't you worry "the Ravioli was delicious and it was well worth it." Good, because I was a little concerned. $1,000!! I don't even make that much in two weeks!! These people have no concept of anything besides themselves and money. Disgusting. I can't even imagine what a $1,000 dinner would entail. I bet he isn't even a good tipper.
One of the women responded by saying "I couldn't eat that much" which had already been perfectly evident to me considering she clearly has a raging eating disorder. The third one then chimed in "I can eat a lot." Oh really? Because I couldn't tell. Your pants are only 3 sizes too small and your stomach is sticking out so far you look like you are 6 months pregnant. No lie. They continue to chat about expensive meals and fancy food I have never heard of and they also continue ignoring me. I suppose they have a seminar for all the first year associates on how to ignore anyone who makes less than you and can't help you make partner. Your secretary might not have it in her power to make you partner but you see how far you get if we neglect to give you all those messages/assignments from your boss. Not that I would ever do anything like that...I'm just saying.
There were a group of three of them proudly displaying their blackberries on the way to a meeting that probably makes them feel important but in fact is just another excuse for some partner to assert his/her control over their meaningless lives. I know how these people operate and while the 1st years think that they are much more important than I am and think that they are making a contribution, I would argue that their existence on the planet is actually making a negative impact on the world. Except for the fact that we need someone to laugh at during the Christmas party.
They are truly the scum of the earth. Ok not all of them, some of them are nice. I think one of my bosses has a mother who is a legal secretary which probably explains why he is ALWAYS extremely nice to me. But most of the first years have never had a slice of humble pie and have spent the last few years only hearing praise about their performance in Law school. For some reason people get very excited about their children going to "Law school". I don't know why considering it is pretty much a glorified trade school. From what I can tell the only thing people learn there is how to be a royal pain in my ass and how to weasel out of paying for cab rides and lunches.
None of them seem to acknowledge the existence of their secretaries or god forbid the people in the mailroom. They don't say please and they don't say thank you. They always expect things to be ready and waiting for them. They always expect you to care about what they want or that they called. They don't understand why things don't always go their way. They can't comprehend why the conference room they want is taken (even though they didn't try to reserve it until 5 minutes before their meeting). They don't understand why their food is taking so long or why they have to go get it themselves because I am at lunch. They definitely don't understand why it is taking so long for someone to fix the mistake they made. Me and now might as well be the only words in their vocabulary. They are worse than two year olds!
The cost of everything is important to them and more is always better. Except when they can't get reimbursed for something. They use their law degree to cover up all their insecurities. Hopefully they are at least fooling themselves because they aren't fooling me. And as for the fat one as much as her shirt probably cost you think she would have been able to buy one that covered her entire stomach. And come on at least wear something that matches. I can even pull something remotely attractive together on 30K a year. Just because it costs a lot doesn't mean it looks nice.
Well after all that goes through my head I am still on this damn elevator. The third one (the fat one) complains about not getting free food from the restaurant she used to work at (one of the most expensive in Ann Arbor by the way). The meal came out to $100 per person. That is one-hundred-American-dollars per person. She announced it twice in case we hadn't heard the first time. I think for a moment at least she has had some food service experience and that is always tough. But then I look at her smug face and protruding belly and realize that she wont even acknowledge my presence in the elevator and she didn't say thank you when I held the door. I wonder if she would have said something if I had let it slam in her face. Obviously her stint working at "one of the most expensive restaurants in Ann Arbor" didn't teach her anything.
And she probably wont learn any lesson until one day when she has some mid-life crisis and tries to figure out what her purpose on this planet is. She will then realize her only purpose is to make a lot of money for a lot of very bad people and she will feel guilty. Well she may not feel guilty, but at the very least she will worry about what to do if she doesn't make partner. Maybe she will go back to school or try to give back to the community but probably she will just continue doing what she does best. Being a bitch and walking around with a heck of a superiority complex.
She will continue to try and eat her way to happiness only to find out that nobody likes the woman who eats all the good doughnuts they put out in the conference room, and that it is still ok to discriminate against fat people in this country. By the time she is 30 she will have lost her drive to succeed and realize she wont make partner. She will either leave the firm only to start somewhere at the bottom again or she will stay and take a lesser position such as "Senior Counsel" and spend the rest of her days taking out the fact that she is a failure on the people who work for her.
The guy who just spent $1,000 on his birthday dinner will probably continue to go on having luxurious birthday dinners for the rest of his life. Then he will find out those late nights, long meetings, and business trips that afford him the luxuries he can no longer live without has forced his wife into an extramarital affair. Good thing he is a lawyer because he will see to it that she wont see a dime. Now that he has lost his boyish good looks and twenty year old body the only thing between him and dying alone is the fact he makes over a million a year. He isn't too worried. He will just joke to his remaining friends (if he has any) that he is simply trading his wife in for a newer model. All this of course while secretly crying alone in his office. But hey it is a corner office.
At this point his secretary will probably have stopped bringing him his mail because she is sick of seeing a millionaire get reimbursed for thousand dollar meals all while she tries to figure out how she is going to manage to pay her rent and send her kids to college at the same time. She probably gets a really crappy Christmas bonus, because he couldn't find any way to deduct it. Even the secretary who sits next to her who doesn't do anything but talk to her boyfriend on the phone all day gets more from her boss.
The skinny one who has probably been battling her eating disorder since she was 15 will one day realize that yes even she deserves food. But at the same time she will realize her paycheck wont keep her warm at night and wonders where she went wrong. She is young, successful, cute enough, why can't she find anyone? Because she is evil. But at least she made partner. Now even she can leave receipts for expensive meals she feels too guilty to actually eat on her secretary's desk. She can go back to her high school reunion with truck loads of money but no soul. But hey at least she is "successful" right?
But perhaps none of this will happen and they will all go on to be very content. I say content because when you have a lot of money all you want is more money. So I am pretty sure they will never be completely happy. But they may still live a life of luxury drinking wine in fancy outfits and going home to sleep on piles of money. Perhaps they will continue to walk through life with blinders on and never think twice about anything, or anyone for that matter. For their sake I hope this is the case because I think if a lot of them took a long hard look in the mirror and saw what I see they would be very disappointed in themselves or perhaps even embarrassed at what they have become. Unfortunately what I fear is that they would not be embarrassed or ashamed but they would be proud.
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