tuesday

I have only been sitting here for two hours but it feels like a month. I made some copies and took a few messages, that's about it. I tried to do some reading but in order to read your brain has to sort of be able to process information. I am not quite at that point yet this morning.

Boss lady is still out of the office which is nice. She doesn't really like to answer my questions. But I will keep asking them. I don't see what her problem is. I am just trying to make things easier for her. It takes a lot longer to fix something than it does to mess something up. So she should be a little more patient. I am not completely incompetent. I went to college...and I graduated. I am just extremely unqualified for this position. I have decided to take that approach. If I say a monkey could do my job, then I feel really bad about myself when I mess up. But If I pretend that I am trying to survive in the cut throat demanding profession of being a legal secretary, I don't feel so bad. I just didn't get the proper training you need to succeed in this business.

Sitting next to Janelle is really refreshing. Yeah the American Idol talk is little out of hand but at least she isn't as fucking uptight as Marge. Right now I bet Marge is up there working herself into a frenzy over nothing. She keeps saying she will try to get down and see my new desk but she just keeps getting busier and busier. Please. I think we all know she is just sitting up their raising her own blood pressure over nothing. Marge used to make me feel neglectful of my job, as if I wasn't as dedicated as I should be. Janelle on the other hand makes me feel like I am the hardest working secretary at the firm. Simply by showing up on time, and leaving only 15 minutes early everyday I have some how managed to make her think I am a hard worker.

Yesterday as I left I said I was tired. Her response? "After all yu du all day, I don't blame yu." This woman literally sits less than ten feet away from me, so how is it possible she has a completely distorted version of what I do. Perhaps she just hears me typing away on the computer and instead of assuming it is just gmail chat or me writing on my blog she thinks I am actually working? There is really no other explanation. I do rather enjoy her company. She is funny. I got a pair of BRIGHT green rain boots that I assume make me look like a five year old. But to make a long story short they are the boots I have now so I am going to wear them with pride. Janelle likes them. I believe her exact words were "tha er SOOOO yu!" If bright green rain boots with mini tennis rackets on them are so me, then well I must be pretty fucking awesome. Janelle also likes to use the word outrageous a lot. I hope it rubs off on me because I kind of like it.

I am pretty sure at this point I didn't get that job. Oh well. I feel like I would have heard by now since they were pretty sure that they wanted to make a decision by last Friday. They were only interviewing 3 or 4 people so I thought I had a decent shot. Bummer. Just going on Idealist or any of those other job websites makes me feel really bad and inadequate. Maybe there really is something wrong with me. No. I think I will just continue to think there is something wrong with them. Not getting this job was more disappointing than the previous ones because although it wasn't perfect I am MORE than qualified. So I guess the only reason they didn't pick me was because they didn't like me. But then I just ask what's not to like? I don't get it.

Watch out for that full moon eclipse tonight, anything could happen.