I filled out Matt's desk reimbursement form this morning. Partners at the firm are given $5,000 to buy new furniture for their offices. It is a lovely desk but I think Matt is a little self conscious about his choice because he decided against getting anything too fancy or expensive. But I guess it's all relative because he spent more on the desk than I make in a month. I just don't see the point in a desk so expensive. Who cares? No one else even goes inside his office. I respect his decision because even though others in the firm may look down upon his desk it shows me that he doesn't give a fuck.
Honestly it is all about peer pressure. When it comes down to it these lawyers are all the biggest dork from your high school who figured out early that if they made a lot of money they would be able to date pretty girls. So they got teased in high school but got really good grades. And when you get really good grades and do well on tests people think you are smart. And if you are smart you are supposed to become a lawyer. Smart = Lawyer...interesting. These guys can't even go to the bathroom without making a conference call.
So this firm is filled with men that resemble the most awkward kid in your high school. They are a little better dressed, have pretty girlfriends, and nicer apartments than anyone we know but they are also incredibly insecure. You can smell it when you walk in the building. How is it that people so insecure and so devoid of any original thought are given money, power, and respect? Not by me, but they get it. If you yell loud enough and throw enough cash at people you get pretty much whatever you want. The insecurities that you develop in 8th grade often last forever, unless you deal with it. They never got the chance to deal with anything because they were too busy being socially awkward. Some of them found their place here and have "cool" friends for the first time and developed a superiority complex and take their 8th grade embarrassments out on everyone else around them. Hence all the yelling and ordering around I face on a daily basis.
There are a few legacies roaming the halls as well. Men whose fathers are judges, state representatives, or something equally as unimportant. They of course (like our president) spent their younger years developing a cocaine addiction, drunk driving, and spending their families "hard" earned money. But it came time for them, like it does for us all, to grow up. When they looked around and realized that they have no skills or passions whatsoever they relied on daddy's golfing buddy to get them into a fancy law school.
Being a lawyer is hardly rocket science so they manage to fill the roll well enough. And even though they are an asshole they make partner because of their last name.
My theory is basically this. The awkward men are still dealing with the humiliation they suffered in 8th grade. So they are forced to go out and buy the most expensive desk or the prettiest wife to prove to everyone else they are in fact "somebody" and they do matter.
The rest of them are dealing with the humiliation that their father suffered in the 8th grade. Dad doesn't want his only son wasting his life getting high and getting in trouble, that wouldn't look right. So he gets him this law firm gig to calm him down. It is all about appearance with these people. Dad is still hurting because he got teased by some cool kid so he went out and bought everything he could afford to ensure everyone would know that he is successful. The best revenge is living well right? I don't know how well they are living since it seems to me they all develop ulcers by the time they are 40. Anyway. The son grew up rich and since he had a trophy wife for a mother he did pretty well in the looks department so he never had the insecurities his father had. He had a C average but was captain of the football team and got invited to all the cool parties. But he couldn't just live off his father's "hard" earned money forever so he went out and got a job.
Anyway I think the ones who were dorky in high school finally feel like they have made it. But when they are forced to mingle with the secure legacy lawyers they revert back to the feelings they had at 14 and decide that they need to spend thousands of dollars on things like desks and lamps. The legacy lawyers are just so used to being around fancy things the thought of buying a desk that costs less then $2,000 just seems crazy to them so they make everyone else feel bad for not spending more than the allotted $5,000.
A vicious cycle really.
I am only using the pronoun "he" because female attorneys are another story completely. Don't worry Adrienne I will get to you later :)
No comments:
Post a Comment