lazy eye

I haven't mentioned it before, but Janelle has a lazy eye. Or maybe two lazy eyes, I can't quite tell. Either way, after almost a month I still have no idea where to look when I am talking to her. I feel really bad because I get the distinct impression that wherever I am looking is the wrong place. I like sitting next to her and don't want her to be offended by me stupidly looking in the wrong direction. I think she likes sitting next to me to. She is always singing my praises to the people who walk by and telling me how great it is to sit next to me. And how lucky she is that I was the one to move to that desk. I fear I will break her heart when I give notice. But at this rate she will have retired and gotten both lazy eyes fixed before that happens.

On top of the lazy eye(s) she has many other characteristics that stand out and surely make her like no woman you have EVER seen before. She has a contagious laugh that sort of sounds like a baboon. But more importantly she wears bright orange lipstick. And for whatever reason it sort of works on her. It isn't what you wear; it is how you wear it. And Janelle wears her lipstick not only on her lips, but also below them, and above them. The foundation she wears enhances the bags under her eyes instead of hiding them, but with her, that might be the point. And if she isn't trying to enhance them with the foundation she is certainly trying to do it with the thick black eyeliner that rims her eyes. I see no other explanation.

She is one of the old school secretaries mixed with a little new school attitude. She doesn't go out of her way like Marge and openly admits to being bored and somewhat useless. Every once in a while I hear her whisper "fuck" or "oh shit" under her breath. I would never. She spends her day emailing and sending slightly offensive forwards around the company. Since she has worked here for 20 some years she is part of the group of women that wear skirts everyday. Two feet of snow, she is in a skirt. Not just a skirt, but I really fucking tight skirt. The skirt in combination with her three-inch heels makes it almost impossible for her to walk. She walks with her knees together and a slight limp. She also really likes cats.

She has Melanie Griffith's hair cut in Working Girl except it is brown. She complemented me on my hair and was shocked to find out it wasn't a perm (who gets perms anymore?!?). She is always using the phrase “ROTFLMAO” (rolling on the floor laughing my ass off) in emails. Janelle had a bag of lifesavers in her purse yesterday and was convinced that they were the cause of her sinus problems. She is happily married and it seems like she and Tim (her husband) have a lot of fun together. They watch every reality show known to man. This year she had to cut back a little because "it was getting to be to much." And that accent. Sort of Staten Island meets Arkansas. Except she is not from, nor does she reside in either of these places.

I really like her. She has a lot of positive energy to pass around and is all for me doing the least amount of work possible to not get in trouble. Whenever I am annoyed at Sheila she backs me up 100% and makes it clear to me that it wasn't my fault. She also makes me feel like I am really good at what I do, which couldn’t be further from the truth. But it is nice to know someone thinks I do a good job. She also seems to think my social life is extremely exciting. Her language is littered with words like “awesome”, “outrageous”, and “wow!” when I discuss what I did over the weekend, which usually consists of hanging out at my apartment…or hanging out at someone else’s apartment. But hey it makes me feel exciting so I go with it. She also announces anytime she sends an email out with my name in it. "I just wanted to let you know I am telling Ann you said it was cold out at lunch." I guess she doesn't want me to think she gossips about me. But what the fuck do I care? I hope to only be sitting by Janelle for a few more months max, but they will be about as enjoyable as they can get.