stupid questions

As I am sure you have all heard me say, I get asked some pretty stupid questions at work. I am going to preface this post with the fact that all of my co-workers are college graduates. But apparently that doesn’t really seem to matter. Degrees have become less and less important as I realize how stupid some of the “smartest” people can be. So here are some (and I say some because I don’t have time to write them all down) of the stupidest questions I have been asked at work.

1. “Did a fax come in for me yesterday?”

Seriously? How the fuck should I know? I don’t sit anywhere near the fax machine. And if I did I sure as hell wouldn’t sit there looking at all the faxes that came in. Get off your fat ass and go look at the fax machine yourself.

2. “Do we have any mugs?”

Hmmm. Not sure on that one, let me go downstairs and check. Please. You have got to be kidding me. I suppose I shouldn’t judge. She has only worked here for year. Maybe this is the first time she has needed to use a mug. Maybe she got a craving for hot coco and wanted to make sure we had all the supplies? Or maybe she was just too lazy to go to the kitchen and look for herself. “Do we have any mugs?” What the hell kind of a question is that? I mean if she had used the energy she used to ask me if we had any mugs to actually go to the kitchen herself and look, not only would she have NOT wasted my time, she might actually have the answer to her question. Because when I get asked questions like that, even if I know the answer… they get a blank stare and a puzzled look, followed by an eye roll after they turn around. I am trying to teach these people how to figure things out for themselves.

3. “Where is the bathroom?”

I got asked this question 3 times in 1 day by people who have worked in the office for over three months. Need I say more?

4. “Can you do me a favor?”

“No.” “I will but I don’t want to.” “Depends on what it is.” “Sure.” “I guess.” All completely appropriate answers to this question, and all answers I have given at various times, depending on my mood. “Can you do me a favor?” is a nice way of saying “I am about to tell you to do something really annoying because I don’t feel like doing it myself and I think that if I pretend that you are doing me a favor and act really grateful when you say yes, you will be more willing to do the annoying parts of my job.” Well I don’t want to do you a favor, but I don’t really have a choice. I don’t like doing the annoying parts of my own job, why would I want to do the annoying parts of anyone else’s job?

5. “Are you stressed out?”

No, not stressed. I think the look you see on my face is a combination of boredom and annoyance. I’m not stressed out, you have to care to be stressed out…

6. “What is my extension?”

Yeah. Um…Yeah.

7. "How do you send a fax?"

Come on now. Let’s just forget for a second that all fax machines are inherently the same. Let’s focus on the fact that she asked me how to send a fax 8 months after she started working here. Not 8 days, or even 8 weeks, but 8 MONTHS!!!!! I can understand when you first start a job asking how to send a fax, because although you get the same explanation every time, except for the occasional dial 9 first, maybe this fax machine is different. My main question is how has she gone 8 MONTHS without sending a fax? I should tell you all this is the same woman who asked me whether or not she had received a fax, so maybe she has some kind of disorder related to fax machines. Maybe she is afraid of them. Maybe they don’t have them where she is from? Maybe she is just stupid?

8. "Can you come take a look at the copier?"

Apparently I should add copy machine repairman to my resume because when anyone has a problem with the copy machine, I’m the first and only person they go to for help. This happens three or four times a week. I say I will take a look at it but that “I know just as much as they do”. I always kind of thought that they just ran to me for help when there was a jam without actually trying to fix it, but now I have proof. One of our senior level staff members came to me frantic that there was something wrong with the machine. She said she had “tried everything” and just “couldn’t get it to work”. I told her I would look at it but that “I know just as much about copy machines as she does” so if she couldn’t fix it then there is no way I can. Long story short. That shit wasn’t even on. She “tried everything”. Really? Really Susan? How about turning it on? You didn’t try that.