blame the post office

So everyone at work is frantically waiting for something to come in the mail. I’m not sure if it is a check or legal document or what, but they are all obsessed about getting it. For the last week I have gotten asked about it probably about 5 times a day. “Is it here?” “Did it come?” “Have you seen it?” No, no, and no. I guess they sent it and we never got it so they sent it again and we still didn’t get it. So I can see why they are eager to receive it. Whatever “it” is. Anyway they have been so obsessed with its arrival that I seem to have blocked out its importance. I think the item they are looking for did indeed arrive…both times it was sent. I am pretty sure it arrived because I am pretty sure I threw it out. Twice.

The first time I threw it out I thought it was junk mail. In fact the second time I threw it out I thought it was junk mail. But that’s neither here nor there. About a day or so after I threw it away the first time someone came looking for it.

SO – “Did you see anything come in from XYZ”

ME – “No. I don’t thi…nk so. Um…no definitely not. If I had seen something I would have given it to you”

My internal dialog – “No. I don’t thi…..fuck…I totally saw it. Shit. Fuck. I definitely threw it out without even opening it yesterday. Opps…nk so. Um…no definitely not. If I had seen something I would have given it to you. Shit, too bad the cleaning lady actually did her job yesterday and emptied the trash.”

SO – “Oh, cause it should have gotten here by now and we really need it. So if you see it come in please give it to me right away.”

ME – “Why don’t you ask them to resend it?”

SO – “Yeah I think that is what I am going to have to do, because it is really important”

SO’s internal dialog – “I’m sooo important that I need to tell people how everything I do is really really important, even though it isn’t that important, but don’t tell anyone. The only way I know how to deal with my insecurity is by telling people how important I am””

ME – “OK, well I’ll be on the look out for it. I’m sure it will come one of these days. But you should probably have them resend it just in case…I mean if it is important.”

My internal dialog – “Sorry bitch. That shit has come and gone, you better call and ask them to resend it ASAP, because unless you want to head over the landfill in Jersey it was sent to there is no way in hell you are going to get your hands on it.”

SO – “OK, just let me know if it comes”

ME – “Of course!! I’ll let you know right away.”

A few days pass and although she is obsessively asking about this document I seem to completely forget she is looking for it. And I think they are stupid. Anyway a big envelope from XYZ comes in the mail, I look at it for two seconds decide it is junk mail and toss it. Apparently the conversation I had a few days before was not enough of a deterrent to keep me from repeating my mistake. Unfortunately for me that meant we had to repeat the same exact conversation again after I threw the letter away for a second time. Only this time there was more emphasis on how important it was and also more persistent questions about whether or not I had seen “anything.” I think she is on to me, but she has no proof. And since she has no proof I’m actually kind of annoyed that she thinks I would have lost/hidden it from her. I mean come on, I’m the only competent person who works here.

SO- “Are you suuuuure you didn’t see anything from them?”

ME- “Yeah, I mean if I had I would have given it right to you, I know how important it is.”

SO- “OK, because they said they sent it again…”

ME – “That’s really odd. Maybe they sent it to the wrong address? Although you never know with the post office these days, sometimes things just don’t make it. It is weird that they sent it twice and we didn’t get it either time.”

SO’s internal dialog – “Yeah that is exactly the weird part. Nothing gets lost in the mail twice. I know it came. I know it was here. What did she do with it? Is she hiding it from me? AHHH! Why would she do that when she knows how important it is?”

SO- “Well I guess things happen. Are you sure nothing came in?”

ME- “About as sure as I can be”

SO’s internal dialog – “Bitch, I know you have it.”

SO- “OK well I guess I will ask them to send it again. Just please let me know if you see anything.”

ME- “Sure thing!”

Sure thing. Yeah I don’t think so. But I’m certainly not fessing up to this whole mess. The only thing I can do is try my hardest not to throw it out a 3^rd time. No promises though.