These fuckers are trying to screw me over. So I gave my notice and said my last day would be May 12th. Which is sort of true. My last day in the office will be next Friday but I had already put in for vacation so I plan on getting paid for it. Well apparently I haven't "earned" all my vacation days for the year yet...allocated quarterly....blah blah blah. Bull shit. By my records sitting here staring at a computer screen getting yelled at by fat ugly impotent men pretty much has earned me whatever the fuck I want. I wont explain the whole long boring story but it goes something like this:
Big multi-million dollar law firm tries to screw over little old me for a couple hundred bucks. We aren't even talking thousands here people. But what they didn't realize is that I'm not stupid. So worst case scenario they continue trying to screw me over and I come down with some kind of illness that by chance should force me to call in sick for my entire last week at work. Sick days you see, aren't allocated quarterly. I mean I guess I can understand why they wouldn't want to pay me but as I stated before this is a multi-MILLION dollar law firm. So what the fuck?
I told everyone what I was leaving to do, and they think I am some kind of saint. Like they have never heard the words Non and Profit used together in the same sentence. "Oh wow, that is really wonderful." "You will feel so fulfilled." Is it really so wonderful though? It isn't like I will be donating kidneys to people. I am just going to work in an office that doesn't lie, cheat, and steal from people in order to make money. That doesn't seem "wonderful", that just sort of seems like the way things should be.
They all got a bewildered look on their face when the words NON-PROFIT spilled out of my mouth. Looking at me like they wanted to say "wow, I have heard of those before, but I just didn't think they really existed...or that anyone would want to work for one. When you say non-profit, does that mean that you don't make any profit? Wait, you must make some profit right? They got someone over there cooking the books so it looks all non-profit like but you are really racking in a pretty penny...right? No? Really? Hey Doug get in here...listen to this...Elizabeth is going to work for a NON-profit...they don't make a profit...I'll be damned..." I think it also threw them off a little since the name of the organization has the word Free in it. Non-profit...Free. I think I might have just blown their minds.
I am trying to see how much damage I can do before I leave. I think I may have put the copier out of commission yesterday. Next Monday...the printer. The copier was a piece of crap anyway. I didn't do it on purpose or anything. So I finish my copies and I go to press the "complete" button and I get this unbelievably strong electric shock. Ouch. You wouldn't think that would effect anything but right after that the display screen started blinking and saying a bunch of crap I have never seen before. I just ignored it. I figure someone who cares will call to have it fixed. And maybe, just maybe I can make it through next week without having to make a copy.
Besides the pens and notebooks that accidentally have found their way back to my apartment I am trying to figure out what else can accidentally fall into my bag. They don't have anything too good around here. The three hole punch is virtually useless and who needs a stapler? I suppose an extra pair of scissors never hurt anyone. But I think I should just draw the line at pens. I really do think stealing is wrong, even if it is from really rich people.
I however have no problem with killing plants. Ok if I put it that way "killing plants" then I feel bad. I wouldn't want people out there to think I don't value life. Because I do...I value it a lot. So the fancy plant in my bosses office has officially died. Well not completely, but one of the flowers fell off and the other one is completely shriveled up. Oops I tried. I even looked up directions on the internet about how to take care of it. But that didn't help. I don't know anything about plants.
Maybe if she had even been a little bit nice I would have asked specific instructions. It was bad enough I had to go all the way down to the kitchen to fill up that stupid water can. But as I said to Janelle this morning, good thing I'm outta here. Hopefully she will forget that it was absolutely thriving when she left the office. But these plants are very particular, which would be fine with me if they were self-sufficient. But no, they can't do a damn thing on their own so I was left to try and decide when to water them and how much water they needed. Well I really suck at that so next time someone asks me to water their plants I will make it very clear that there is a 75% chance the plant will be 100% dead when they return. I just can't worry about these kinds of things anymore.
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